Post by Dm Alekse on Feb 18, 2020 18:06:53 GMT -7
Written to "I am the Fire" By Halestorm.
Taedrinnar sits on a rooftop in East Waterdeep, looking out over the sunset on the water. It's just not the same. He takes a deep breath, looking around, before finally closing his eyes and reaching out with his feelings, searching for something... anything.
He had come here after the last adventure looking for closure, to move on with a part of his life he had always felt like he had fled from.
After a moment he opens his eyes and leans back to watch the beautiful colors over the water. As the sun begins to slip beneath the waves on the horizon, he removes a quill and paper from his pack.
Jianne,
It's been awhile since i left for the City. I've made it safely and was happily accepted back among my old crew. They seem as friendly and welcoming as I remember, and would love to have you come for a visit. I know the tasks you have in the city take much of your time, and If you can't get out here soon i'll come visit you.
Being back is... different. I suppose i should have expected that. The Taedrinnar who walked away from these walls was so much different then the man I am today. I could tell simply in the way they greeted me. The playful stories and not to subtle jokes about my history. At one point I didn't think very much of myself. I needed others to validate who I was, and it meant moving from bed to bed searching for the acceptance and love I sought.
To that boy, being in love was all that mattered. If someone didn't want me, love me, then I was worthless. I was a pile of kindling, and without a spark of love, what good was I? It was probably because of how I grew up. When your raised on the streets without any real parents you often wonder why they didn't want to keep you, what you might have done wrong. It colored my outlook for so long. I'll admit that being back, i've played along with it, for the moment. Making jokes and flirting as If i was still that boy. The nostalgia of it is comforting, it does, in a way, feel like home, and yet its completely different from what I've called home for the past several years.
I remember the day i walked away. I felt so betrayed by two people who's love I had come to rely on. Kallik for allowing it all to happen, and .. her.. for wanting it. All i really cared about that day was how much I hurt, how much I had lost. In my sadness, it felt as if neither cared about me anymore, and without their approval and love, what was I? The Taedrinnar who left these halls that day was a lot more boy then man, though I would never have admitted it at that time.
It took time, years, to learn that the person i'd been waiting on all my life, was myself. Getting away from things was the act of a boy, but in a way, it did help me transition into a man. Focusing more of my life on myself and less on who's bed I was in or who had whispered sweet words to me most recently.
The Taedrinnar who returns to these halls is grown, a man now. My past will always be my past, but it no longer decides my future. I may tease, I may flirt, but my good opinion of myself does not change from night to night. I am more focused and more disciplined the any of them might expect. They will see a new side of me soon enough, a side that isn't dependent on love. Not that this takes anything away from how I feel about you. Your still the bright star of my mornings and nights, and I can not wait to hold you again, but neither will I fade away if that reunion must wait a few more days.
I am no longer the pile of kindling waiting for a spark.
I am the fire.
Taedrinnar sits on a rooftop in East Waterdeep, looking out over the sunset on the water. It's just not the same. He takes a deep breath, looking around, before finally closing his eyes and reaching out with his feelings, searching for something... anything.
He had come here after the last adventure looking for closure, to move on with a part of his life he had always felt like he had fled from.
After a moment he opens his eyes and leans back to watch the beautiful colors over the water. As the sun begins to slip beneath the waves on the horizon, he removes a quill and paper from his pack.
Jianne,
It's been awhile since i left for the City. I've made it safely and was happily accepted back among my old crew. They seem as friendly and welcoming as I remember, and would love to have you come for a visit. I know the tasks you have in the city take much of your time, and If you can't get out here soon i'll come visit you.
Being back is... different. I suppose i should have expected that. The Taedrinnar who walked away from these walls was so much different then the man I am today. I could tell simply in the way they greeted me. The playful stories and not to subtle jokes about my history. At one point I didn't think very much of myself. I needed others to validate who I was, and it meant moving from bed to bed searching for the acceptance and love I sought.
To that boy, being in love was all that mattered. If someone didn't want me, love me, then I was worthless. I was a pile of kindling, and without a spark of love, what good was I? It was probably because of how I grew up. When your raised on the streets without any real parents you often wonder why they didn't want to keep you, what you might have done wrong. It colored my outlook for so long. I'll admit that being back, i've played along with it, for the moment. Making jokes and flirting as If i was still that boy. The nostalgia of it is comforting, it does, in a way, feel like home, and yet its completely different from what I've called home for the past several years.
I remember the day i walked away. I felt so betrayed by two people who's love I had come to rely on. Kallik for allowing it all to happen, and .. her.. for wanting it. All i really cared about that day was how much I hurt, how much I had lost. In my sadness, it felt as if neither cared about me anymore, and without their approval and love, what was I? The Taedrinnar who left these halls that day was a lot more boy then man, though I would never have admitted it at that time.
It took time, years, to learn that the person i'd been waiting on all my life, was myself. Getting away from things was the act of a boy, but in a way, it did help me transition into a man. Focusing more of my life on myself and less on who's bed I was in or who had whispered sweet words to me most recently.
The Taedrinnar who returns to these halls is grown, a man now. My past will always be my past, but it no longer decides my future. I may tease, I may flirt, but my good opinion of myself does not change from night to night. I am more focused and more disciplined the any of them might expect. They will see a new side of me soon enough, a side that isn't dependent on love. Not that this takes anything away from how I feel about you. Your still the bright star of my mornings and nights, and I can not wait to hold you again, but neither will I fade away if that reunion must wait a few more days.
I am no longer the pile of kindling waiting for a spark.
I am the fire.
