Post by realitydvnt on Feb 18, 2020 19:59:51 GMT -7
Sometimes it's hard to control. That change. Sometimes I want nothing more then to let her out and rage, tear everything around me down and bath in the blood of those around me. It's hard, the rage, because it's not just because of her. It's because of everything else that has happened.
I am a broken shell, housing a monster. A monster that pushes at the cage, searching for weakness, a way to slip through and sate it's urges. That's why I don't change very much. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I will lose control of her and then...
death will follow.
We can't have that. I can't have that. What kind of mother would I be to allow myself to lose control like that. What sort of example am I setting for Kindri? Certainly not what my mother wanted for me, I'm sure. No..I have to keep control. Prove that I am better then my past. Prove to everyone around me that they are safe when we work with together.
But really they aren't. Any second, I could lose control. Let slip the wolf and be unable to bring her back in. Then, they would have reason to fear me, cause really, they don't right now. They've never seen the devastation that comes with letting go, of losing control, of being truly free.
And I never will be. I will never be free to run, free to hunt, free to kill. To do the horrible things that sit in the back of my mind, that I dream about.
To be like those I kill.
And that is the scariest thing of all. A part of me whats that.
I am a broken shell, housing a monster. A monster that pushes at the cage, searching for weakness, a way to slip through and sate it's urges. That's why I don't change very much. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I will lose control of her and then...
death will follow.
We can't have that. I can't have that. What kind of mother would I be to allow myself to lose control like that. What sort of example am I setting for Kindri? Certainly not what my mother wanted for me, I'm sure. No..I have to keep control. Prove that I am better then my past. Prove to everyone around me that they are safe when we work with together.
But really they aren't. Any second, I could lose control. Let slip the wolf and be unable to bring her back in. Then, they would have reason to fear me, cause really, they don't right now. They've never seen the devastation that comes with letting go, of losing control, of being truly free.
And I never will be. I will never be free to run, free to hunt, free to kill. To do the horrible things that sit in the back of my mind, that I dream about.
To be like those I kill.
And that is the scariest thing of all. A part of me whats that.
